satir ginlistic

satir ginlistic, originally uploaded by beast of all notions.

chilean pig vulture is now on the menu and a future retro marvelous villain taste

itching and scratching, doublemint gum commercial

you can't tell me i'm wrong if i tell you you're wrong right after. that's how it works, honey. ask anyone with half a brain and the other half is doublemint gum flavored candy cotton. if you say "oh you look pretty today, herm," and i say "no, you look great, whatever the fuck your name is," then you look great whatsyourfuckingface and i do not. Now you can counter with the patented "No, no, your are," but you have to name me and state what it "is/are" i am am. "No, no, you look great Herm, again, in the face." Understand? Good. Let's move on to important news.

My eyes have been itchy for the last month. I think it might be the wool army navy blacket i pulled out of the trash a few weeks ago. I've been using it as a beddy bye lasagna layer of cheese or meat to insulate me from the cold that is my beautifully barren wood floored room. My room is big. i used to live in a small nook of space that i'm sure was once a squirrel's nest until the landlords got the gentrification line itch. "Hell, Matsuda, we'll evict the rodents and move in a Puerto Rican. Yeeehaw!" Well, others say i may have allergies but i refuse to swallow red pills (not since the chest scratching incident in Shanghai back in 2002). A dead prostitute made of rice noodles. It's all a scam champ. You've been had.

And there you have it: i've used all the words of my title in the text and you, my diseased reader, are not cheated.

Also, Santiago Calatrava...what's up? I'm looking forward to a bold New York skyline just as much as the next Astorian but 15 million for a split level? New York should have an Open House day where people pay a fee of ???? $25 to view some of these cold modern cribs as seen in architecture magazine and home design websites.

Fight the flower!

Kim Deal Breeders "You got a fish and gerbil? We can breed them!"

DSC_0007, originally uploaded by beast of all notions.

Waahh my french drugs are fading away in my bloodstream...

Dear,

Dear, uh, Dear Reggie, What?

Yeah i know you're standing right in front of me. Listen, listen. What's that all about? Where am i? Holy shit. I was ten years old. I went out for a carton of milk and whammo here i am. Who are you? Reggie? Oh shit! A coma huh? Me?

It was crazy Reggie. I was in this wonderful place and Theo was a panther who always peed on stuff and gary was a disgusting janitor with a pitchfork and Kasim was a fat lady and i was a hispanic lady with a broken toed baby wearing a Toto shirt. Reggie, in this dream, you were my good for nothing fiance.

It was crazy

Kentucky Moonshine Smelling Panties

DSC_0006, originally uploaded by beast of all notions.

oh ah ha! i knows why. because you are a petty bone check taker das why. you chupe el queso of your chilean pig vulture bodega boss jefe drug pushy landlord no? how you buy those adidas if you don work?

Listen to Hamell on Trial's song "Go Fuck Yourself/Choochtown"

DSC_0003, originally uploaded by beast of all notions.

But i dress all hootchy choochy like you say frome de moobies and i know you like mami's boobies because tha's all you ever says. maybe you like to see maria merengue with tears of "why fuck why?" in her pretty good eyes eh?

aye, papi

DSC_0002, originally uploaded by beast of all notions.

why you no love me no mo papi? why you take my purse in da middle of the night chulo? why you break my baby son's toe instead of changing his diaper?

Way Out Then

I don't write much of anything anymore so slowly i have to let out all the nonsense until all the sense shows up.

Sonny Rollins (you pick the song) playing from the grate on the cell floor in the corner, just under the rusting sink.

Molissa X - History bigot and ex-military fruit canner. "It's not the motion of the ocean....it's all the dead sea life that's not decomposing due to all the big business tankers spilling preservatives all willy nilly."

Captain Willy Nilly - How can he live in such a humid room? He travelled to the future to buy a cubicle heater and came back with a cosmic humidifier. Hey cocksucker, keep it down over there! Not everyone in this building wants to hear you snapping your toes to the beat.

Coomba – super sensitive baby gorilla emotionally addicted to pocket combs. Sometimes late at night, when the crawling creepy thingies are steamy in afterglow, i imagine i can hear her sighing.

King Freddy – “If I drink all the beers in your fridge without throwing up…you have to sleep with me.” The thing is, Kind Freddy can hold it in until after he’s banged you. Sometimes, as he’s ejaculating, throw up will leak out of his eye sockets.

The Trembling Pickpocket – Not everyone needs nerves of steel to steal. Crime doesn’t pay but everyone poo poos on the unemployed.

Slosha – She “ain’t” drunk and she “don’t fucking need nobody,” which I think means she needs everyone. She's the team's leader and number one social contact. She's from the "fuckin" midwest.

MISSION ONE: Way Out West There Be Saxaphone Colossus

Pino Noir and the Spiders from Newark

Just so you know, I'm forcing myself to write this entry because i promised myself that i'd write more. Why did i promise myself this when I have nothing to say anymore. Yesterday/not yesterday i was telling a friend that i no longer had anything to bitch about. Life is good. I sort of pay my bills on time, people like me, i've been drawing a little better every try, my family is leaving me alone, i have daily access to a color printer and copier, i can see abs forming, i'm getting laid on the regular, i have tons of magazine subscriptions so there is always mail to look forward to and so, life is good.

I'm trying to emotionally coast at this level of contentment for as long into the winter that i can.

The only complaint i have is about my soap. I think i'm allergic to it because i'm itchy all over all of the time. My eyes itch, my neck and just in between my shoulder blades. (Ruben's Shoulder Blades never worked with Willie Colon or El Gran Combo) Maybe it's my new phone though. Radiation. I'm dying. Maybe this is why i've been keeping the weight off. I haven't seen a dentist in years. Sometimes i hear my teeth screaming in the night while i am sleeping. My hair still hasn't grown back. I'm growing hair on my shoulders and back. My ass looks like it got hit by a hair grenade. I drink too much soda and cheddar cheese. I crave pizza all the time. My dreams are full of tepid sexual encounters with Reese Witherspoon that get interupted by screaming teeth.

Oh and the comic books are squeezing me dry. There is so much super hero bullshit in my life i can't think like a cubicle kid. Office co-workers ask me how i am and i say "good good" or i grunt but what i'm thinking is "Why would Superman give a shit about helping anyone anyway? Why isn't he out in space fucking around and getting high? What's he care if earth is enslaved? I mean....you fucking live you die. Why isn't he fighting Rupert Murdoch?" That's me on and on but not really about Superman but that's me about super heroes in general. Why would you give a fuck? I can beat up children but you don't see me going around stopping kids from eating candy on the subway. For real!

All my non-white friends are women.

I love you, I miss you, go fuck yourself,
HJ

SOON I WILL START POSTING AGAIN

I haven't posted in a while. No one reads this blog any how so whatever! I will be posting sketches for a comic story i'm trying to put together.

Snitches Birth Bitches!!!