Dialogue from 'Vampyr the Geek'

Pshhhht! Chicken blood, schmicken blood. Hand me my hair clips.

There's something really odd about that Dr. Daedelus. Something dry yet...sticky.

How old are you boy? Perhaps old enough to get punched like a man, eh? Old enough to stare into the oblivion of my southwestern heart? Old enough...to geek...the chicken?

Tommy. Kick those house lights on, Tommy. These goddamn lightbulbs are hotter than the suns in hell. What? Fuck the show. My life is more important than this bullshit show..40 minutes of dribble drabble. Okay. I'm better now. Turn on half the lights. Y'know what? I'll just turn on this flashlight. It'll look spooky. Trust me, babe. Okay. Action!

To what do we owe this pleasure, uh, visit, Daedelus? Huh, what? Say again! I'm addicted to these carrots and i'm chain chewing them all day and i can't hear anything over all the crunching in my face. Go ahead, i'm going to just stand hear with my mouth open so i don't chew. Go ahead, shoot.

Geek the chicken! Geek the chicken! Geek the chicken!

I came to this town in peace but you all want me to leave in pieces. You call me a monster? You're the monsters! Hey now, alright! It's rumble tumble time.

Narrator: And so ends the tragic, yet sexually potent tale of Vampyr the Geek, who came to this dust bowl town looking for a mythical pair of panties and two dogs named left and right. He came, you called fowl, he was like "What?" and then you screamed "Gotcha!" Hey now, let's get mellow now. [then Lil Wayne's "Shooter" starts to play softly]

New Year/Same Time Something

Almost a year has past since my last posting. No one reads this shit so whatever. Life is different. I'm getting married to ms. funnyface crunch tip. Cripper on a shaft bell, purple tower. Otherwise all is the same. I don't write enough (which is why these posts are all crap), i don't use the Kamera no more (why no photo?) and i don't draw enough (which is why i never post any drawings).

HEE YAW!

Dialogue from "Chinese Frankenstein"

Oh shit! It's a chinese frankenstein!

Chinese Frankensteins always think they know everything.

Chinese Frankenstein...LOOK OUT!

Is that a virgin i hear in the lake drowning just beyond the wood?

As long as you live under my laboratory, chinese frankenstein, you'll follow my non-asian rules!

Chinese Frankenstein hate staple remover. Staple remover hee yaw!

And so ends the tale of Chinese Frankenstein, now left lost and lonely in the molten underground realm of the Ginger Talon King. But wait, what is this? The ring that was given to him by Mark Twain now shines with light again! Ooops, i just kicked it. Can someone please turn on the house lights? Seriously, that ring belongs to me. It's not a prop. Hello? Tommy, throw those lights on real quick.

I'm back

I was being interviewed, in my dream last night, by John Gardner, the auther of the Sunlight Dialogues and Grendel (loaned to me by D. Sadeghi long ago), but he looked like Brian Cox, the actor from X2, Deadwood and Adaptation. In the dream i was a young playwright 'Robots vs. the Werewolf' and 'Chinese Frankenstein' were my big simultaneous hits off off Broadway, both coming to the end of their limited runs. Just before waking up, he had asked me "Sherman Helmsley. Tell us about your relationship with this legendary actor. Do you write the parts with him in mind?" and i replied (in a baby helium voice) "He makes my written words singggggg!"